Two of my greatest areas of interest are music and sexuality.
Quick story time: in undergrad, I had a two hour a week alternative radio show and would have themes to each show. Some themes were more obvious but others I had a lot of fun with. Really leaning into my identity as a sex columnist for the school newspaper, I once played sexy songs and had listeners call in to guess what the theme was for some silly prize: aphrodisiacs, with hints along the way like “Many people say oysters act as this.”
Cut to 10 years later, I still have a passion for music and sexuality. And a beautiful confluence of these things inspired by that fateful radio show is the idea of having a sexy playlist. So many people enjoy their sense of hearing without thinking about it during sex by enjoying their partners’ moans or the various noises of sex (especially when you add impact play in there!) On top of that, there are endless possibilities and permutations when you add music in there.
How can music liven up and/or improve my sex life?
The most basic way music improves your sex life is that it adds another layer in which you can express yourself and add style points. Getting down to classical musical versus heavy metal can have a huge impact on the tone, mood, pace, etc. of whatever it is you’re doing.
So much of pleasure (if not all!) is about using your senses. One reason why people use blindfolds is that depriving one sense can heightens another, so this is something to try to help you focus on your sense of hearing and touch.
If you happen to play an instrument or want to learn, consider that sound through most instruments creates vibrations and vibrations can feel pleasurable. Get creative with this — learn a sexy ballad and seduce a partner with the vibrations of say, a saxophone, running along their skin. It’s only one letter away from sexophone anyway!
In another vein, maybe you feel self-conscious or anxious around sex or certain sex acts and music is a way to distract from these feelings or ground you in the present sensations rather than your worrying about performance. You could even use this outside of session by practicing relaxation techniques like breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, etc. to a certain song and put that on during sexy-time to cue your brain that you can relax.
What about those of us who are asexual, demisexual or on the asexual spectrum?
All people on the asexual spectrum are different, of course, but a big myth about these populations is the lack of sexual arousal or desire. This myth is not true because not feeling sexually attracted to others does not mean one doesn’t feel turned on, masturbate or even have sex, depending on the person.
I happened upon a song on Colorado Public Radio the other day that upon closer listen seems to be describing an asexual person’s experience with sex (again, seems to and this does not represent all people on the asexual spectrum). I’ve included some of the lyrics below:
It’s Only Sex – Car Seat Headrest
The other night, I cried
While thinking of having sex with you
Not out of desire or shame
But some subconscious impulse to feel pain
I wiped my tears on my face and neck
And the backs of my ears and said “Now it’s sweat
Now it’s sweat; it’s sweat now”
Just to see you
It’s such a treasure
But when I feel you
My flesh yields no pleasure
And honey, I’m cultured
I’m very sex-positive
So what is this feeling?
It ain’t so positive
The beauty of music is that there are countless songs each with a different feel, mood and experience that we have the potential to relate to. Challenge yourself to think of some songs that make you feel frisky, would be good to make out to or would have a good pace or rhythm for other sexy acts. You can always test the songs or a playlist out on yourself.
Last hot tip: it may be worth the upgrade to a premium music service rather than the total mood killer of an advertisement coming on in the middle of your playlist.